Already got asked if we're dating
I'm going to jail i love you
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
