my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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