So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
bring money and cleavage
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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