dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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