ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
