I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
