Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize