I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
