I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
