dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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