Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
