Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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