my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
