Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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