My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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