I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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