Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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