FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
