i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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