This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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