You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
