i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
