"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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