Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
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