i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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