it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
