You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
