I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My ATM looks so different sober.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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