Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
