You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
