She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize