nut hugger
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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