Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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