I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
