he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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