i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Need sex. Gaining weight.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
