May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
