I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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