Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize