girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
