I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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