So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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