Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
