I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
