my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
