remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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