looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize