She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
