He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize