Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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