My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
