For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
