i wish my penis had a tongue
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
