You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
