her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
