She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize