I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
