so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Randomize
