just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm sobbing to NWA
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
