I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
