Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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