Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
