I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
