girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
