Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Rumble strips road head = magical
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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