i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
