Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
