I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
our cab driver is having phone sex.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
