i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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