Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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