ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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