Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
