we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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